I guess i can write what i want cause no one seems to read this.  Cool , its like a diary but easier on my hand.
I spent a couple upset days as one of my online friends in dog training unliked me and said we weren't a good match.  I felt really sad.  But i contemplated and contemplated and stewed and brewed about it.  First it was please please forgive me.  I of course had put my foot in my mouth and i just wanted to back pedal to fix it as it was a relationship i was enjoying and learning from.  Then I decided to hell with them,. who do they think they are.  They think I am close minded and prejudiced and they profess to like everyone.  I tried to explain myself.  I think everyone is somewhat prejudiced even tho they don't realize it, and then i figured that person was indeed prejudiced against me, so what made them special.  Then i thought deeper and deeper.  Am I indeed prejudiced?, possibly.  I judge people on a face to face basis based on whether they are good people or jerks and if they are jerks or mean or bad standards or etc then it doesn't matter what color, creed,religion or sexual orientation they are, it doesn't matter to me.  A good person is a good person that's that.  A bad person i can usually find one thing in them i like or at least one redeeming factor at least.  That's why i get all the difficult patients at work because i don't judge and i try very hard to find one thing we have in common or thing that i can appreciate about them.  it usually works and i walk away richer for it.
But then i decided this was about liking or not liking public figures and i decided yes, i do form judgements there that aren't exactly maybe what they seem.  So maybe i should like them all for what they are different or the same from me.  Then i wondered, why do i care what that person thinks, why is my value tied up in what others think of me.  I still haven't figured that one out.  Then i hit the depression side, I am stupid, dumb, uneducated, can't make friends, can't keep my foot out of my mouth and on and on.  Then as i wondered about my existence here and why, I was supported by my husband with a hug and a thank you that the yard work i had done that day looked really good.  He knew i was feeling down.  The next day I threw myself into my work at work and my work here at home, good hard physical work.  I realize i am not the sharpest crayon in the box but I do have color and it is still bright.  I am simple but as a Masai runner in the Olympics said," we don't need fancy things, we don't need things, we just are happy being".  What a wonderful people.  I just need to look to God for my answers, worry about what he thinks, try to live according to what he wants of me and just be.  I have had my eyes open and there was truth and there was non truth,.  I am honest, I work hard, I try to be fair and nonjudgmental, and I try to love life as it is given to me and I try to live in the moment.  I try to live for my God and as he would want.  i am not perfect, I am not bright, I am not talented, I have no one gift that i can feel is great, but i have the gift of trying.  I have perseverance.  I am not afraid of hard work.  i am not usually afraid of new things and I try to be open to any and all things and sort them out as i go along.  I have hang ups, don't we all, but i try to survive in spite of them.  Each day brings new challenges to me, and tho they may not be great earth shattering challenges that change the world, they are my challenges no matter how small and they change me.  I hope I can be someone that others will someday look at and admire and say, " I wish i was more like her"  Or "she is what Gods love and promise is all about".  Animals are about all i know, but as meaningless as that may be to some it is my only gift, my solace, my unconditional love.  They don't judge me, they don't care if i put a foot in my mouth, or out of ignorance do something stupid.  i guess i don't need a lot of friends.  So what if they don't like me. The animals know i don't do harm out of purpose, only ignorance and they forgive me and love me in spite of it.  Some say Animals don't go to heaven.  I don't believe that.  i believe God has put me here to do what i can with and for animals, that is how i speak, thru them.  My thoughts have rambled and they could go on and on.  The online friend befriended me again and I will try to be more open and accepting.  I will try to be the person I want to be, simple, or not.  I do count.!!!  And I will hope that friend really is a true friend.